Did your partner seem perfect when you first met? Were they attentive and kind, only to switch on you later down the line?
Do you feel like your relationship is a constant seesaw? One minute you’re being showered with excessive love and affection, and the next you’re being shouted at and called names?
Then you may be experiencing love bombing.
Here, we explore what love bombing is, the common signs, and what you can do to seek support.
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is an abusive tactic used by manipulative individuals to gain influence over someone else. It typically involves extreme amounts of flattery or affection in the early stages of a relationship, often through compliments, gifts, or attention.
These romantic acts can make the love bomber seem like the perfect catch and give the victim hits of dopamine, so they feel happy and loved. This lowers their guard and can manipulate them into starting a relationship.
Love bombing often forms part of a cycle of emotional and psychological abuse used to gain trust and then control.
What are the signs of love bombing?
There are a few telltale signs that you are being love-bombed by someone you’re dating. There are often several stages to it, the first being the “love bomb” itself. This usually involves the person showering you with compliments or attention.
They may surprise you with flowers and chocolates, compliment you on your outfits or send you regular messages of admiration. It probably makes you feel good. They may encourage you to start a relationship quickly and show intense emotions very quickly.
This may seem good in the early stages, but then comes the abuse. Once your relationship is established, the love bomber may put you down, call you names, or shout at you. They may accuse you of things you haven’t done, ostracize you from family and friends, or try to control where you go or what you do.
When you confront them about this, they may gaslight you. Or, they may take extreme measures by becoming abusive or ending the relationship. After this, they may “love bomb” you again by providing excessive forms of affection to pull you back into the relationship.
What makes love bombing dangerous?
Love bombing is often used by individuals with narcissistic personality disorder. This means that the love bomber has an “exaggerated sense of their importance” and desires “external praise and attention.”
They may come across as arrogant, self-centered, and demanding, believing they are better than others. They might need “excessive praise and admiration and may react poorly to perceived criticism”.
Not all narcissists are dangerous, but some may become angry or abusive when they don’t get the praise or affection they think they deserve. This can lead to emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, which is why love bombing is so dangerous.
What to do if you’re being love-bombed
If you are experiencing love bombing at the hands of your partner, please know that you’re not alone. There are many ways to get help and support, including the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, the Men’s advice line and Women’s Aid. If you’re in immediate danger, call 999.
You can also get legal support from friendly and experienced domestic abuse solicitors. They can help you take important steps to protect yourself from your abusive partner, which may include an occupation order or a non-molestation order.
They’ll be able to give you advice,support,t and legal protection so that you can move forward with your life feeling safe and at ease.
Remember – don’t struggle with abuse in silence. Speak to trusted family or friends, seek professional support and put your own mental and physical wellbeing first.
