Growing up as an autistic person, I always felt different. It was like my brain functioned on a different frequency to everyone else’s. For as long as I can remember I had the most fantastical, weird and wonderful thoughts going through my head. Colours, sounds and textures felt deeply intense, and I would always be coming out with things that other people found super odd.
Being autistic can feel like you’re on another planet. As a child I was constantly creating, singing and making things. I would invent imaginary identities for myself and become intensely passionate about the strangest of things. Sometimes people would encourage my creativity but I also experienced a great deal of alienation because of my condition.
When you’re different, it can be hard to fit in. As I grew older, I started to mask my autistic traits in an attempt to appear “normal”. Like many autistic people, I also grew up to be queer. This deepened my sense of isolation and made me want to hide it even more. But the more I hid, the more mentally unwell I became.
Finding drag
I reached a point where I couldn’t mask myself anymore. Circumstances had gotten so bad that I reached rock bottom. Trying to work full time in an office job, trying to fit myself into a neuro-typical lifestyle almost killed me. I had to leave my job and even my marriage due to unrelenting stress. I was so scared to engaging with people that I feared leaving the house. I felt so deeply isolated and depressed.
It was in this darkest of times that I found drag. A friend asked me to go support them at a queer open mic night and I went along. I was pleased to have an excuse to leave the house. That night changed my life forever. I saw the most amazing creatures, the most dazzlingly bonkers artists, the most off-the-wall crazy performances you could imagine – all enveloped within a loving, neuro-affirming, queer safe space that felt like home.
This open mic became my haven. I would burrow away in my house and let my fantastical autistic brain just run wild. I would create the most bat-shit crazy numbers, then tentatively try them out at the fortnightly show. Each time I was met with rapturous applause and a kind, loving community who really got me. For the first time I felt seen for who I really am.
As the weeks and months went by, I kept going back, each time showing a little more of myself. I experimented with wild, crazy costumes, makeup and ever more outrageous performances. I created outfits that represented the intense colours and textures that bring me joy. My drag act Coco Fabulicious became my own creation of autistic sensory euphoria.
I also played with gender. I wasn’t a drag queen, more of a gender fluid entity – a being that existed beyond the confines of the gender binary that I had never been able to fit into. With his bright pink moustache and enormous candyfloss hair, Coco Fabulicious was born.
Success
It wasn’t long before I was winning competitions, traveling the country and being booked for major events. At times I found the reality of playing at nightclubs and bars challenging. The autistic brain that helped me create my successful acts struggled to engage in crowded, busy and noisy venues.
Despite the challenges I was able to succeed and now work as a DJ, stand up comedian, singer, host and gogo dancer. I am in love with my home town of Liverpool and have found the most incredible cabarets, bars, venues and clubs which celebrate my bonkers drag. I feel so at home and excited every day to create new material.
I am proud to be a member of the legendary Merseyside Kings, The Haus of Eerie Dreadful, Decks in the City and to have my amazing sisters Shanita Glitter and Charlotte Rays who uplift me every day. Drag is an incredible art form that knows no bounds. It is about bringing the real you out into the open and celebrating those parts of ourselves that felt othered or marginalised.
To anyone who feels weird or different…you are fabulous. Do drag, be weird. The world needs you.
Check out @cocofabulicious on Instagram to find out more.
